1, 2, 3, 4

I rarely post songs or lyrics in my blog, but this song is very simple yet very nostalgic. Haha. Sebenarnya teringat kenangan kat Gunung Tahan dulu2. Ada sorang guide tu suka sangat nyanyi lagu nih.

Song: 1, 2, 3, 4
Artist: Aris Ariwatan



Satu... kasih nan abadi
Tiada tandingi dia yang satu
Dua... sayang berpanjangan
Membawa ke syurga kasihnya ibu

Tiga... lapar dan dahaga
Rela berpayahan setianya ayah
Empat... mudah kau ketemu
Berhati selalu beza antara
Kasih dan kekasih

( korus )
Ibu kuingat dahulu
Menyisir rambut ku kemas selalu
Ayah menghantar ke sekolah
Bergunalah ilmu bila dewasa

Sayang dengar lagu ini
Untuk kau sandarkan buat pedoman
Jangan manis terus ditelan
Pahit terus dibuang... itu bidalan
Harus kau renungkan...

Med or not?

It seems that as SPM gets closer, the higher the number of entries are being post here. Seriously, is this a sign of stress? Haha. If it is true pun, writing will help ease the burden kan... Aiseyh. How come rojak-rojak nih? Back to English.

You know what, lately I've been seriously thinking about my future. I am in dilemma whether I should do Medicine or not. Haha. Some people have been laughing at me because before this it was as if only I had clear goals to achieve in life. I was the only one who had determination to do Med. Now? I don't know.

Now I think that I am inclined towards things that require practical application, calculations, logical and critical thinking, those stufflah. From what I know, Med is mainly memorising, which I ..... cannot do. Imagine 6 years of Med school doing memorising................. WAH.

You see, I had never been good in subjects that require memorising (except QTH). To get an A1 for Sejarah, Pendidikan Syariah Islamiah, Bahasa Arab Tinggi is like climbing a mountain for me. Matilah I. But the case is waaaay different for subjects like Maths, Physics and Chemistry. Okay, I admit that I take time to pick up but once I get the basics, insyaAllah okay.

So, when I mention these, people would usually suggest me something to do with engineering. Biochemical engineering? But then, engineering is something soooo not girly. HAHA. I mean, if I really do engineering and become an engineer, then I wonder. How am I going to get married?? Engineer kerja kan tak duduk rumah! It sounds like I'm thinking waaaay to far, but hey, those things need to be considered. Once you are there, you cannot rewind the time. Kan?

Then, people suggest. Why don't you become a lecturer? Aaaaahhh... Malasnye nak jadi cikgu. HAHA.

But then, a lot of people are against me. They really think I should persue Medicine. Kata nak jadi Paediatric Psychiatrist! Wahahahahaha... Susahnya hidup ni. What ever the decision is, I will have to wait for my SPM result. Must perform! Yeah! HAHA.

Okay, abaikan semua ini. Gejala stres berleluasa.

Oh, announcing the arrival of my brand new phone:

Lalala. Handphone lama rosak dan bengong. Tuan dia pun makin tak betul. Lalalalalala.

Anxiety

The clock is ticking and my heart is pounding hard. Pressure felt in the brain. Adrenaline sudden shoot is rather disturbing. I feel butterflies flying vigorously in my stomach. Not to mention the sweaty, cold palm. Anxiety disorder? I don't think so. Just a seasonal panic attack, SPM is around the corner, after all.

Some people would not believe the fact that I am experiencing this. They think that if someone are able to score in the Trials, she should be able to do so in the real SPM. They say that it is almost guaranteed for her to get perfect scores, if not, she should not fall too far behind. For me, I cannot be sure of anything. I hate the feeling of failing to get what I desperately desire. I hate having false hopes.

On the other hand, some people say that SPM results do not really matter. If you do not perfectly perform in the SPM, but still manage to get some good grades (not excellent) then, you still have the chance to perform in pre-university. But then, SPM is something that you take only once in your lifetime. If you don't perform because of some silly, stupid, childish, immature, unacceptable reason, then you will regret for the rest of your life, even if you did perfectly well afterwards. But to look at the brighter side, some people might be grateful when he/she gets not really good results as this might be a wake up call for him/her. For me, I would rather not.

With only 25 days left, I am still lacking in confidence because my perfomance is not that consistent. I still have a lot more to do, with facts to cram in and concepts to be understood. For this very crucial moment, the best thing to do is to have extraordinary faith in Allah.

"Ya Allah,
bukakanlah pintu hati kami untuk menerima cahayaMu,
hapuskanlah kegelapan dalam hati-hati ini,
Kau tambahkanlah ilmuMu yang bermanfaat dalam hati-hati ini,
dan kurniakanlah kami kefahaman yang mendalam.
Kaulah yang Maha Bijaksana, Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Mendengat."

Go away panic attack. Go away nightmares.

27 days

Ok, SPM is in 27 days time. I know. But still, I want to update.

It's funny when you really feel like writing but you simply cannot form simple sentences. Everything seem so haywired that you feel like deleting every single word that you type. You've got so much to tell, and yet it is so hard to express them in words. Yeah sometimes.

Irritating huh?

Speaking of irritations, oh, lately my old penyakit came back. Because my mother thinks that it is better for me not to take antibiotics, so I am taking potcit or ural regularly. To alkalinise what ever that is waaay too acidic and to kill the organisms that made it acidic. That explains the question why I am drinking plenty water and why I keep visiting the loo. Haha. To flush whatever that should be flushed. Two weeks, no, almost three weeks now, it seems to work, but very slowly compared to the time I was taking antibiotics. Anyway, thank god the intense pain that made me skip school for two days did not came back. I couldn't afford to miss any class during this crucial moment. My advice to all of you reading, please, empty your bladder whenever you need to. Never procrastinate. You might end up with kidney problems.

Today we had an assembly. (Who cares?) No. That is not my point. The point is, today was the prize-giving ceremony for our studython. Alhamdulillah, Allah masih belum menarik nikmat yang telah dikurniakan kepada hambaNya yang hina ini. Five best students from each class for each subject were given prize, but the maximum prize for an individual is only two. We had Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Add Maths.

I didn't get the prize I was aiming, (Physics, of course!) but I'm glad to know that my name was actually cancelled for the award to give way to others. Getting award for Chemistry and Biology is okay what. Oh yeah, my name for Add Maths was also cancelled. Never mind. Another category of award is for the overall achievement during the studython. It was for the top ten of the whole batch. Honestly, I wasn't really hoping for high ranks. When Ustazah announced Muhammad as the best student, I was not surprised at all. AT ALL. Haha. Ada taakid di situ. Then, when the second name was announced, I was half surprised. Not as shocked as during the announcement of the second place during our form 3 studython with MRSM. Haha.

Yeah, it was my name.

(Imagine if they include Higher Arabic in this studython!)

Wah, this entry is becoming longer and longer!

Now I've lost words again. I've got so much to tell but there seem to be a road-block in the highway of nerve transmissions.

*Yawns*

Ok guys, time to sleep. Esok malam ada kelas BioLogy. Saturatedlah otak saya.

Thank you for spending your precious time reading this.
Chiao

Saya [heart] Bahasa Arab

Hello world! Long time no see!

Let's see what have happened since the last time I updated. Ramadhan, trial, raya, results, PMR.

Ramadhan
Nothing much to tell because during the whole month my focus was on the trial exam. But ok lah.

Trial
This time I struggled for most of the papers, but for some papers I did not have the time or the mood to do so. Haha. Especially BAT and PSI.

Raya
Raya pun tak berapa macam nak raya sebab tak banyak melawat orang.

Results
I was very nervous waiting for the results. Alhamdulillah for most subjects, I performed better during the trial. Berkat Ramadhan...

Bil	Subject	SETARA	TRIAL	ETR
1	Mathematics	94 A1	96 A1	90 A+
2	Prinsip Perakaunan	73 A2	92 A1	88 A
3	English for Science and Technology	80 A2	88 A1	85 A
4	Chemistry	70 A2	86 A1	90 A+
5	Pendidikan Al-Quran As-Sunnah	86 A1	85 A1	90 A+
6	English	88 A1	84 A1	90 A+
7	Biology	75 A2	81 A1	80 A
8	Physics	80 A1	80 A1	90 A+
9	Bahasa Melayu	75 A2	80 A1	80 A
10	Sejarah	74 A2	76 A2	80 A
11	Additional Mathematics	68 B3	70 A2	85 A
12	Pendidikan Syariah Islamiah	62 B4	67 B3	85 A
13	Bahasa Arab Tinggi	55 5C	48 D7	65 B+

Rank ke 9 dalam batch. Walaupun in terms of A1, saya menduduki tempat kedua (berkongsi dengan tasnim) tapi D7 telah menjatuhkan rank saya. Wahaha. Tak kisahlah. Duniawi semua ini. Tempat pertama toksah cakapla, gred purata dia 1.00000 tanpa sebarang nombor di sebelah kanan titik perpuluhan. Ya, perfect. Banyak A+ pulak tuh. Haha. Takpe takpe. Manusia punyai kebolehan yang berbeza. (Juga kesungguhan yang berbeza...)

Paling banyak improvement dalam Chemistry dan Prinsip Perakaunan. Berkat doa ustazah... Masa nak periksa Chemistry tu cuak sangat. Paling takut. Sebab selama ni jawab Chemistry mesti mauttt. Masa tu tak tahulah nak cakap macam mana. Dari awal Ujian 1 form 4 tak pernah dapat A1. Malah Ujian 1 form 4 dapat B3. Haha. Akhir tahun dapat A2 dah bersyukur sangat sebab masa jawab tu pakai taram dan hentam segala teori. (Masa tu nak kira mole pun tak reti sebenarnya) Kegemilangan palsu form 4 terbukti apabila daku termasuk golongan G9 pada ujian 1 tingkatan 5. HAHA. Memang macam tak jawab la. Tapi setara menunjukkan kenaikan dan diteruskan ketika trial yang pertama kali dapat A1. Tiba-tiba Chemistry yang biasanya paling bawah antara 3 subjek sains jadi paling tinggi. Kelakar pun ada. Tiba-tiba suka pulak dengan Chemistry. :D

Mengarutlah saya.

Bahasa Arab pulak. Paling banyak turun. Dahlah dah memang teruk. Haha. Masa paper 1 memang maut soalan dia. Ditambah pulak dengan ketidakrajinan nak belek nota sebelum periksa. Memang macam...... Erk. Tak tahu nak cakap apa. Satu kelas tak perform paper 1. Yang hebak2 do'oh pun kecundang. Apa lagi saya. Kecundang jauh.... Alhamdulillah paper 2 macam agak ok la. Dapat lulus BAT pun dah bersyukur sangat... Tapi sekarang dalam usaha nak tingkatkan BAT. BAT nak A!!!

Apa lagi saya nak bebel. Hmm. Sebenarnya saya dah lapar. Haha. Ok ah. Nak berhenti mengarut kat sini.

Oh ye tambah lagi satu:
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 15A1.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 12A1.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 13A.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 12A.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 11A.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 10A.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 9A.
Tahniah kepada yang berjaya dapat 8A.
Walau siapa pun anda, walau berapa A pun anda dapat, TAHNIAH kepada diri sendiri kerana berjaya mendapat apa yang anda usahakan!
Semoga terus berjaya!!!

Saya akhiri dengan satu jeritan:

SAYA CINTAKAN BAHASA ARAB DAN PENDIDIKAN SYARIAH ISLAMIAH!!!!!

Heartbroken

Have you ever owned something for such a long time, and it developed a very deep sentimental value over the time? You love it so much that you want to keep it for as long as you could. Even though you can easily get other similar new things which seem to be better but you still want to use that particular thing.

You have spent time with that thing for such a long time. It has been with you almost everywhere you went, keeping you company. You never wonder that one day you will lose it. But one fine day after such a long time, the thing disappoints you. Suddenly you feel like the world is over for you. You feel like this is the end. Why now after such a long time? Tears waiting to fall anytime.

When you feel like it is the end of the world, you realise that if the same thing happens to another person, he/she will feel almost nothing. Well then you tell yourself they don't understand the sentimental value of this particular stuff. It seems stupid to mourn over the thing, but still you feel like mourning. You still cannot accept the fact that it is over. That thing is gone. GONE.

Okay. Let me go straight to the point. The zipper of my pencil case is not functioning. My pencilcase is now unusable. Fine. It sounds rather ridiculous to feel such sadness. But hey. You don't know. You don't understand.

(kamera habis bateri, tak sempat nak snap gambar elok sikit)

I have been using this pencil case since I was in form one. Now I am in form five. It is a souvenir that I got from a trip. Explore deTrain and Hunt. Safiah, Hani, Hamizah and Rabiatul also got the same kind of pencil cases but with different colours. We have been using it when we were in form one but eventually they changed their pencil cases. Only I was still loyal using the pencil case until the end.

We have spent a lot of time together. Classes since form one. Exams. Tests. PMR. Trial SPM. The pencil case have been in a longkang. Camping trips. Everywhere lah!!

It is not that I don't have other pencil cases, I have some (all of them are gifts). But I fell in love with this one. Almost everyone recognises my pencil case. I was planning to use it forever. Haha. Exaggerating. Well, at least until the end of form five. But oh well. Kullu nafsin zaaiqatul maut. Goodbye old one.

Oh, this is the new one:

Green.

Wah, only 49 days left until SPM? Uh oh. Apa lagi yang anda berangan di sini?

Berlari sebaris

photograph by farhana zain

Hadirnya kalian di sisi,
untuk mendorong aku terus berlari tanpa henti,
begitu juga diri ini.
Adakalanya aku tak terdaya lagi,
letih untuk teruskan larian ini,
kalian teruslah genggam erat tangan ini,
meski diri meronta sekuat hati,
saf ini tidak harus rapuh kerana pentingkan diri.
Kita tidak harus berhenti,
kita perlu terus berlari,
walau dikaburi duniawi,
ayuh kukuhkan saf ini,
biar kita berpegangan tangan menuju destinasi,
menuju redha iLlahi.

zahra lotfi
johor bahru
21.37
10.9.09

**********

Lama sungguh saya tak menulis sajak. Suatu ketika dahulu ketika saya masih sangat muda, saya suka sangat tulis sajak, tetapi apabila usia sudah menginjak dewasa saya semakin kurang berperasaan untuk menukilkan perasaan saya dalam bentuk kata-kata yang tersusun. Hahaha. Hmmm. Pada saat ini, saya masih lagi mampu menghirup udara. Oleh itu, saya masih hidup untuk saat ini. Tetapi saya tidak tahu bila nyawa saya akan dicabut...

Hari ini pelajar-pelajar tingkatan lima telah menduduki peperiksaan Percubaan SPM bagi kertas Matematik Tambahan. Penat sangat duduk berjam-jam menghadap nombor dan rumus. Itulah, lain kali bila ustazah suruh buat latihan dalam masa dua jam, jangan buat dalam masa dua minggu! Tengok apa dah jadi! :P

Tarikh esok ialah 11 September. Ulang tahun kelapan tragedi 11/9. Esok kami akan menduduki peperiksaan Fizik. Saya berharap agar saya dapat memperbaiki keputusan saya yang lalu. Seperti kata ustazah, dapatkan A1 yang stabil! Bukan markah cukup makan! Dulu saya mendapat markah 80%, tetapi hanya selepas puas mencari pembetulan. Hehe. Rugi sebab kebanyakan kesalahan berpunca daripada KECUAIAN.

Saya berasa hairan apabila menulis dalam bahasa Melayu baku. Rupanya saya lebih selesa meluahkan perasaan dalam bahasa Inggeris. Walaupun begitu, saya bukan hendak mengatakan bahawa saya hebat berbahasa Inggeris. Cuma sifat semulajadi orang Inggeris, mereka bebas meluahkan perasaan, jadi tidak pelik untuk menyatakan perasaan dalam bahasa Inggeris. Orang Melayu pula lebih suka memendam perasaan, oleh itu sangat pelik hendak meluahkan perasaan dalam bahasa Melayu. Cuba bandingkan dua ayat ini: "I love you" dan "Saya sayangkan awak". Ayat yang mana yang anda rasakan pelik? Tidak mengapalah. Sempena bulan kemerdekaan ini, kita sahut cabaran untuk menulis dalam bahasa ibunda dengan sempurna.

Saya rasa saya harus pergi kerana buku Fizik sudah menanti saya, sedangkan masa sudah jauh meninggalkan saya. Baiklah, sekian sahaja celoteh saya untuk kali ini. Sehingga bertemu lagi! Terima kasih kerana sudi membaca.